Dean Winchester

Being married is a good feeling.

Dean was an impulsive guy, anyone that knew him knew this. So it was no surprise he and Jo had hopped into his car and heading to Vegas to get married. Nothing changed his mind on it, not even his fear of her mother. He glanced over at her wondering if she was as excited as he was.

Dean had made a promise, that he'd be home soon. Seriously a bit over a month, he wondered how they stayed together sometimes. He waited for the day Jo either asked him to stop hunting and stay with her, or stop hunting alone and hunt with her. Sam had vanished long ago and he still could not find him. He just hoped Sam was alright, and that he'd call soon.

He pulled up at the place he and Jo shared when they weren't off hunting and grabbed his bags from the car, deciding he'd stick around for a bit this time. He slipped inside wondering if Jo was there already as he set his bags down.

Would things change if I died?

Time's getting closer. Gotta make sure everything is in order.

5. “Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.” ~ James Dean

Hey dreams are fun. I used to have them when I was a kid when life was still perfect. Or at least perfect in the eyes of a little boy. I had my mom, I had my dad, and I had my baby brother Sam. I had dreams of growing up to be a world famous baseball player, or being a fire fighter. I wanted to drive the big red truck. I was your typical little boy. I was hyper, I ran around, I played, and I dreamed big. I wanted to fix cars too just like my dad. There was even a time a wanted to grow up and be a Marine just like him, until I saw how it made my mom edgy. I stopped quick. Guess looking back on it the last thing mom had needed was thinking about her son off somewhere where he could get killed like she dealt with with dad.

Perfect however never lasts. Guess not when you have the name Winchester. I swear I may have cursed Jo by marrying her. See with me and the choices I have made I don't have much time to syat. Doesn't stop the dreaming though. Now it's dreaming of having what mom and dad had. Marriage, with kids, the whole damn nine yards. We got one Tyler, kind of took her in. Course I'd like a boy or girl of my own. Maybe both. Watch them grow and do well in school. Live a normal life, a life I was robbed of.

Dreams are good but reality sets in and I know I won't have any of that. Instead I just live my days the best I can until it's time for me to go.

Dean Winchester // Supernatural // 290 Words

Anyone recommend a really good sleeping aid? I need sleep.

Sometimes you seem
Just like a stranger to me,
But, all the games you play
Make it so easy to see.
- Whitesnake, Slide It In

Dean can't tell exactly when it happened. Nor can he pinpoint why it did. The fact was it happened. What you ask? Dean looked in the mirror and he could no longer recognize the person he was. Everything blurred at some point. He was no longer the sweet innocent boy that could make his mother and father smile. No longer the little Dean that played games with his little brother. He had become a callous hunter. That's all he saw when he looked in the mirror.

Dean didn't see himself what he saw was a stranger. Someone not even he knew. It got worse when Sam went away to Standford. The one person that kept that boy he used to be had left and he slipped. Hunt after hunt he was losing himself. Becoming more and more of that stranger he saw looking back at him. Dark circles under his eyes and bruises. Scratches and bites.

When Sam came back into his world he felt a bit of his true self return. Even now even more with Jo and Tyler as well. He's more relaxed, no longer a hunter and he can play. Even if it haunts the back of his mind he won't have this for long. That thought alone terrifies him more then he'd ever admit.

Dean Winchester // Supernatural // 218 Words

I think I'm learning what that feels like. For me it's the thought of only having a year and finding Jo again. Me and Jo getting together and now we are married. I'm happy about it but deep in the back of mind I know those words of forever won't really be and the til death do us part will be coming sooner then I'd like it to now.

Then there's Tyler Thompson. A sweet little girl that I've become very attached to. There's leaving her behind too now. I know she understands I have no choice but I know it hurts her. I'm just happy to know Jo will take good care of her. I have no doubts in that. Sure Sam will be there to help. I can only hope. I don't want Jo and Tyler to be alone through it.

That's pain unimagined though. I could never have imagined the stab in the heart of pain, the lump rising in my throat when I think about it. The feeling of finding happiness finally, but knowing it will be ripped away from you, or you torn away from it. Not a pain I wish on anyone.

Dean Winchester // Supernatural // 197 Words

Dean was shaking as he got ready looking in the mirror that usual cocky attitidr gone. The light in his eyes faded leaving nothing but a dull lifeless green. He sighed and swallowed hard. This hurt more then he expected it to. His time was coming to an end here, he had maybe a few days. Please let me have a few more days at least please. were his thoughts at that moment. He fought not to break down and lose it, Jo didn't need that. Both were barely hanging on. There didn't seem a solution in sight. Sam and Jo had both been working hard on it and Dean was ready to give up his hope. Ready for his time to come but not wanting to leave this life behind. He composed himself and came out of the bathroom looking to Jo and smiling.

Jo looked up and smiled though her heart was tearing apart inside. Her and Sam still came to dead ends and she was fearing the worse. She was fearing she would be losing Dean soon. She had known from the beginning and as much as she wanted to save his ass part of her was prepared for losing him. So she thought. As his days ticked down she found there were times she had to slip away from him and find somewhere she could just break down and cry. She wanted to hit him so hard sometimes for making the damned deal to begin with, and part of her understood. She always knew Dean would do anything it took to save his brothers. She hated the crossroads demon, hated her for robbing him of time others got. She wanted to kick and punch something or someone. She smiled though and went over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. If she was going to lose him she'd at least make sure he died happy.

Tonight they were going out as a family. Tyler was still getting ready. He knew she was heartbroken too and it caused a lump to form in his throat. He kept a smile on his face though and looked down at Jo's swelling stomach and ran his hands over it gently and she smiled placing her hands over his. He wouldn't be there when he or she was born but he knew Jo would make sure they grew up to know all about their father. They had decided to not find out the sex of the baby and he was almost tempted to ask now. Jo had planned ahead, she was good at that. She had an envelope ready for when Dean was dying she could let him know before he did if he had a son or a daughter. Their fingers entwined and Tyler came out. He smiled and took them out to eat. It was silent, the heaviness of this being the last planned night out weighed in the air. Usually they were laughing and joking. Tonight even Tyler seemed quiet. They got back home and Dean went and tucked Tyler in leaning down to kiss her forehead Jo coming in to do the same.

Dean and Jo went and changed into more comfortable clothes and went and watched a movie. Both laying on the couch staying close. Lately Jo found her fingers tightly curled in Dean's shirts when they laid close. As if she'd hang on for dear life if this Crossroads bitch came to try and take what was hers. Dean wouldn't put it pass his wife to do that. He closed his eyes when she'd nuzzle into his neck. They spent a lot of time just like this as close as they could be. Neither wanted to let go, both wanted to fight, but Dean couldn't. He kicked himself at times for it, but he never regretted saving his brother. They went to bed and stayed up talking. Discussing what ifs, and what could have beens. It hurt to talk about it but Jo seemed to like to hear things he'd do if he didn't die. A smile touched her lips as he spoke of taking their children to the park, to games. Talked about teaching them to drive when they got older. Things it didn't seem Dean would ever get to do, but Jo she'd do them for him in his memory. They soon let sleep take then with both hoping that tomorrow morning, Dean woke up to live another day.

((word count: 745))

I'm just doing this table for fun. Even if....no one sees this journal. Go figure why I am even typing this.

Anyway.

Feel free to select something and give an idea you would like. I am doing this for Dean Winchester/Jo Harvelle. Don't like it? Go away.

table hijacked from 30_nights

( Read more... )

I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
- Nickelback (Far Away)

Most that know me know I work on impulse. That impulse well it's not always the smartest thing done. I'm fine with that, Sammy got the brains. I got whatever it is I got, brawn? Who the hell knows. Maybe I got the loyalty to family and desire to make sure they are safe from my dad. I just know I wouldn't give them up without a fight. So when Sammy died? hell with that I wasn't letting that one go. It was selfish as hell I know but damn it that's my brother.

It's kind of funny though I always told him I'd give my life for him but guess I've taken that to the literal level now haven't I? I gave my soul for his. He gets a long happy life and me? I get a year but I'll make the best of that year. When my time is up? I ain't gonna lie and say I'll be prepared to go and will just lay down and die. The bitch will have to take me out in action. It'll hurt when I die and I plan on trying to be off somewhere alone when it's time so no one has to watch me die. I may get hit for that one, but just being honest.

I know Sammy is working on a way, I know he is. I can tell him not to try until I am blue in the face and he won't listen. Jo she's just as stubborn. I know good and well she's not the type to let go without a damn fight. She's like her mom with that. I'm just hoping they are careful. I know damn good and well I won't win if I try arguing with those two. It's a brick wall right there. I keep trying though maybe they will listen.

[locked from everyone]

Hell I do wish I could fight this bitch but the cost is Sammy's life. She knew just how to get me. If it was just Sam I'd be fine. Maybe. Now I have two others in my life, Jo and Tyler, and the dying in a year thing? Sucks big time. I made my choices just didn't know I'd find peace and then have to leave it. I don't regret saving Sammy, I do regret hurting them when I do die. I can't stop it, I would if I could. See I may seem like I am giving up, but I'm not. I know Sam and Jo are working on it and I won't give up hope that they might find something. I may act like I'm fine with the dying thing, but I'm not. Hell I have Jo, I have Sammy, and Tyler. I have a family why would I be okay with leaving that? Timing is a bitch.

[unlocked]

Dean Winchester // Supernatural // 470 Words

Since you know. I won't get anything.

Have I got any secret admirers out there? Leave me some anon loving. Keep it anon, though - the mystery's all the better. Wouldn't be a secret admirer, otherwise.

Tell me, something about me you like, something about me that turns you on, something about me that you just wanna get your hands on. How much you want to do me, or how much you want to date me, or how much you want to... you get the idea.

Just keep it anonymous.
(stolen from nearly everyone.)

For Halloween, you should be a Fire Fighter.
What is your Sexy Halloween Costume? at QuizUniverse.com

	DeanWinchester Pills:
	Will cause severe horniness
'What Sexual Effect do you have on people?' at QuizUniverse.com

Dean never expected to be settled anywhere he had spent too much time running from that sort of thing. Until he literally crashed into it the day he walked into Jo Harvelle's bar. Once he heard her voice she had his full attention there was nothing more then that. They talked and he joked about guys lining up and she mentioned one she liked. Hell that moment he hadn't thought she could have been talking about him not until she said he had walked into her bar. He knew then and he wasn't sure if he should get the hell out of there or stay put. Instead he played along and told her maybe she should do something about it. Let him know. He hadn't been expecting her to actually do it. She shocked the boy as she crawled over the bar and crawled straight into his lap and kissed him. It was hard for a girl to catch Dean Winchester off guard but Jo Harvelle sure in the hell managed. It was all done from there.

He expected her to run off once he told her he only had a year left to live. SOunded strange saying it to her because he did care about Jo and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. She deserved better then that, especially because of his name. Maybe his family did enough damage to hers. He kissed her back because there was no denying the attraction he felt even if her mother scared the living hell out of him. Dean knew well enough you don't fuck with a woman who knows how to shoot, but she wasn't there. Or maybe he figured if Jo was happy she'd be okay with it, who knew. He found himself in her room then when she told him to rest. He did sleep well that first night. He enjoyed having her close to him. Dean figured on staying a few days and then going off to hunt more demons and coming back for a break. That may have been his plan.

Dean had been there for about three months helping Jo out with the bar and relaxing. He was actually enjoying it. All the while Sam was busy trying to find a way out for him. Jo helping Sam along the way. She accepted he only had a year but she damn well didn't have to sit back and not try and save him. Jo hadn't been feeling well and finally she ended up getting checked out. The news she got she just knew then she and Sam had to save Dean. There were no ifs, ands, or buts. She needed Dean more then ever. She walked into the bar watching as Dean worked a few girls watching him but once she came in they knew to stop looking. She couldn't remember a time she was more nervous, not even when she told her mother she wanted to be a hunter. This trumped that only because in the back of her mind she feared there was no way out of his deal and she would lose him.

Dean nearly fell over when Jo told him she was pregnant, but unlike some guys he knew better then to ask if she was sure it was his. She wouldn't tell him if she wasn't and he knew it was, deep down he knew. He wrapped his arms around her as she moved into him. He sighed because this was happening now. He was happy he was having a baby, and he loved Jo. He was now living with the thought he'd never see his child grow up, at this point he wasn't even sure he'd ever get to see him or her.

((625 Words))

Do I stay or do I go? That's the question.

You can run but you can't hide
From the guilt you've built inside
-Default, One Thing Remains

Dude running is part of who I am. Just most don't know it. Things I do and say is all running. Like me and my messing around with girls and never sticking around. It's me running from the guilty knowledge that I don't allow myself to be happy. Hell sure I could settle down easily but I just don't allow myself that. My reasons wouldn't make sense to most, hell half the time they don't to me.

I'd feel guilty being happy because of what happened to my dad and Sammy. Because they had theirs ripped away from them. I mean how can I be happy knowing they suffered? Course there is the guilt of putting some poor girl through my life. The leaving. The hunting. Coming home torn up near in shreds after some of the shit we fight. Is that anyway to make a girl live?

See knowing me? I'll keep on running and not letting myself be happy until I drop dead. Which is in a little less then a year.

Another reason to just keep running. A man can only handle so many guiltly thoughts and feelings. Besides what girl wants to put up with my crap for long periods of time?

Dean Winchester // Supernatural // 205 Words

Jo, need to run to Maine quick. Be back soon.

I went and got you something baby. Hope you like it